Transformers review: Explosions, laughs and product placement.

Ahh! Trucks! And fire! AND ROBOTS!

Consider the list of boyish fantasies realized in the new Transformers movie:

• Nerdy guy with a serious shot at getting the girl.
• Hot girl mechanics.
• Hot girl hackers.
• Explosions and chase scenes. Big ones, and lots of ‘em.
• Space travel.
• Conspiracy and adventure, from secret government agencies to Arctic exploration.
• Shiny, flashy cars. (Ones that you — yes, you — can buy! In real life!) Shiny, flashy cars that turn into robots. Talking robots. With guns.

Is it any wonder that the live-action movie based on 1980s action figures is expected to be a huge summer blockbuster? Especially among one of the most sought-after demographics, the nostalgic under-35 male and his kid?

The plot is hardly important here, but let’s pretend. The Transformers are a group of robots from the planet Cybertron who can morph into gadgets, autos, helicopters and roughly anything cool made of metal. The Autobots and the Decepticons (guess which ones are the bad guys?) destroyed their own planet during their war. Now, they’re seeking a power source that fell onto our planet so they can continue the battle and stake their claim on a patch of land in the galaxy.

Young Sam Witwicky, played with excellent comic panic by Shia LaBeouf, is the key to continuing the war. How was he to know when he plunked down a few thousand on a yellow junker Camaro that it would turn out to be Bumblebee, perhaps the most beloved of Transformers? (You might remember the toy Bumblebee as a Volkswagen Beetle, but this Transformers is all GM, all the time.) What follows is a mess of explosions, conspiracy and world-saving, in classic Michael Bay fashion.

Aside from the impressive effects — just watch Optimus Prime transform from a perfectly driveable 18-wheeler into a gigantic robot, then fight to the death with a heart-stoppingly evil Megatron — the movie’s great strength is its humor. Intergalactic war and destruction of the human race tend to be heavy topics, but the self-aware laughs keep it light and fast-paced. If it were just a robot sci-fi movie, not a Transformers movie, it wouldn’t be nearly as enjoyable. Watch those detailed transformations from car to robot and you’ll hear the same noise that appeared in the old cartoon shows. When the hot girl mechanic, played by Megan Fox, asks Sam whether she’s shallow, he stutters, “I think you’re more than meets the eye,” — then berates himself for using such a stupid line. Even the robots have a sense of humor, whining about rust after Sam’s chihuahua does its business on a shiny metal foot. Watch out for Sam’s bumbling, neurotic parents, who are excellent comic relief.

Hot mechanic girl and nerdy guy. Note the hand-holding. OMG, what do you think is going to happen?!

So while there’s plenty to enjoy, it’s a lengthy movie, probably too long, with a scattered plot and myriad inconsistencies and tangents. If you value a well-developed, unpredictable story, this is not your movie. And the product placement is overt and eye-rollingly obvious. The cars and trucks get a pass — the fun of

Transformers has always been seeing something familiar become fantastic — but the close-ups on memory cards and cell phones are just useless.

Still, longtime fans will see the updated versions of their childhood heroes, and perhaps with more satisfaction than the end of the animated Transformers movie. (If you didn’t tear up in the theater in 1986, you are made of something colder and harder than any robot.) New fans will have a few hours of eye-candy and wonderment to behold.

But let’s not forget the final fantasy revealed in the film, one for the benefit of the filmmakers: the moment when a Transformer shoots into the sky, leaving that great, wide opening for a sequel.

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Of course, I'm a girl. And while I possess a cat named Megatron, I clearly had my eyebrow raised through most of the movie. Not to say I didn't enjoy it. You know, I just had to remain skeptical. But you need another perspective. So, the Herald-Leader's resident nerd, Scott Sloan, pitched in his thoughts about last night's screening. Click the link below to read his take.

Fun.

Yeah, fun is definitely the best word to describe Transformers.

It’s not the brooding thriller that was Batman Begins.

It doesn’t make the same statements about society as the X-Men series.

It’s fun in the way that the Fantastic Four should have been (curse you, Fox — but that’s another review).

Transformers is the ultimate in popcorn movies, in the same vein of Independence Day. It provides plenty of action, offers a clear but not too comprehensive plot and makes you laugh.

As my colleague Ms. Gumbrecht may have mentioned, it’s also full of boys’ fantasies.

Protagonist Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf), with the assistance of his transforming Camaro, impresses a girl whom he could barely talk to without making a fool of himself (that’s a familiar feeling).

But that’s the movies for you.

Truth is I was a bit nervous about seeing Transformers. Despite my resident nerd status, I wasn’t a crazed fan growing up. My allegiance was to He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. (Godspeed to you, Joel Silver of The Matrix, in your quest to acquire the movie rights to He-Man.)

Still, even as a casual fan, I was concerned by Michael Bay’s reputation of all glitz and no depth (i.e. Pearl Harbor or Bad Boys II). But Transformers is a solid film akin to his The Island starring Ewan McGregor and Scarlett Johansson.

It has it moments of corniness at times. Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots — the friendly race of alien robots bent on stopping the evil Decepticons’ attempts to take over Earth — delivers speeches that if read would be overly cliché. But with the vocal backing of original Optimus Prime voice actor Peter Cullen, they leave you inspired and wishing that some of humanity’s leaders echoed their sentiments.

A few random concluding thoughts:

• Hugo Weaving, the voice of Decepticon leader Megatron, is quickly becoming a nerd legend. The man starred as Agent Smith in the series of Matrix films and also as Elrond in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

He’s now among an elite group of actors that will live on for decades to come in the pantheon of geekdom. Among his colleagues are Christopher Lee (Star Wars and Lord of the Rings), Ian McKellen (X-Men and Lord of the Rings) and Liam Neeson (Star Wars and Batman Begins).

• Bay is no doubt the king of product placement. Transformers featured appearances by everything from Microsoft’s Xbox 360 to logos of major financial services companies. The most innovative was Mountain Dew. No spoilers, here, but I will say “Dewstroyer” would be a cool name.

Comments

[Kevin]

Let's not forget Hugo Weaving's voice work as Rex in Babe, and I promise I'm not attempting any hipster ironic detachment by saying that. I love that movie.

[Tammy]

Hego Weaving was magnificent in V for Vendetta as well. Remember it was only his voice for the entire film and the Guy Hawke's mask. I agree with Scott, I pledge alligence to Master of the U, but watched Transformers as well. I am REALLY looking forward to seeing this movie. (and some girls/women like explosions, chase scenes, space travel and really, REALLY cool cards.

[Doug]

After seeing Transformers (with Scott and Jamie, no less) I have to admit that I am still on the fence about it. Sure, the explosions, robots and insanely hot babes were awesome, but the plot holes and over-the-top commercialism are hard to ignore. I also don't remember my Transformers cussing, but then again I had a short attention span back then.

However, compared to the live action version of He-Man starring Dolph Lundgren, the Transformers movie is Oscar material.

[Byron Walker]

I would also like to touch upon the cleverness of the product placement in this movie by highlighting the great effort given by the US army. Numerous times characters emphasized the role of the military, even though from the beginning it was quite obvious that human creations stood absolutely no chance against these GMC and other robot things. The movie also played on the relationship between humans and cars, and ofcourse of that between humans cars and, well, girls ofcourse.